Thursday, October 29, 2015

Sportshound



I'm not a professional animal trainer.  I have been somewhat successful instilling some basic responses to common sense commands so that my dog is not a complete menace to society. I thought she was happy living day to day eager to obey and keep peace in the house. Little did I realize that her education was continuing in my absence. She's apparently been watching football when I've been away from the television.  Didn't know that she could record games on her own, but the maneuvers she's displayed recently have me hoping that the Heisman will include a canine category this year.

Let's just list her accomplishments: (spoiler alert…she's equally skilled in the penalty category)

Pass interference:  This is a predictable pattern when I start to dress.  She sees it as a threat and will wedge herself between the intended item of clothing and me, hoping that I cannot manage to pull on, button or pull up what I need to.

Pass completion:  She's 10 for 10, but I didn't pass her the shoe to begin with.

Pass interference:  Negating my attempt to hold onto my car keys as I slip between the storm door and outer door.

Offsides:  Simple math; She weighs 78 pounds, I weigh more.

Fumble:  I fumble the cookie...

Interception: Clue:  food.

Face masking:  Well, got to give her some leeway on this one and if you're not a dog person,
you'd better just skip to the next one.  If you do not mind an up close and personal inspection of your facial features, then you get the picture.

Field-goal:  This is a practice skill for her mental stimulation.  She sees the squirrel, chases the squirrel and imagines the squirrel high between the uprights.

Clipping:  Happens every time I'm not watching where I am going or she's intent on my not getting there.

Blocking: This is a no brainer:  She stands waist high...

Touchdown: Her best maneuver.  There she goes! "Wait, stop, come Back here"! 

She never sits on the sidelines, doesn't matter if it's offense or defense.  Game on.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.